4 Urban Myths About Non-Monogamous Partners

As soon as you hear what ”
ethical non-monogamy
,” precisely what do you image? Monogamish partners who periodically have a guest celebrity in the bed room? Start, sprawling poly networking sites of individuals who lives alone and date casually? 3 or 4 grownups and a bunch of children, all living with each other? Some of these would in fact end up being sensible, due to the fact big wide realm of moral non-monogamy encompasses
numerous relationship styles
and designs. These relationship types occasionally only a few things in keeping, even so they’re crucial parallels: they’re honest, they involve more than just two people, and they are commonly misunderstood and conflated.

Inside my time as a non-monogamous individual, I dipped my toe into many of the ethically non-mono pools. I am monogamish, considered my self my own personal main partner (solamente poly), and also used hierarchical poly — including a really regrettable but luckily quick amount of
unicorn searching
. While
each design features its very own particular urban myths
that surround it
(that is unfortunate since absolutely a lot of
much more fascinating items to go over
), any hint of honest non-monogamy is sold with some elementary fables which can be wanting quashing. Here are four urban myths that fairly non-monogamous partners often encounter. But first, read the newest bout of Bustle’s Intercourse and Relationships podcast, i would like It By doing this:

Myth #1: We Are Cheating On Our Lovers

The obvious myth encompassing fairly non-monogamous couples would be that one or both of them is “cheating,” specially if somebody views you with some one besides the companion they generally view you with. However, regardless of if both associates are present, mono people usually equate moral non-monogamy with infidelity, however the “ethical” part is key here. Cheating will be sexually unfaithful — making love with some body except that one’s lover in
infraction of a boundary or agreement
. In the event the arrangement

includes

sex together with other partners, this may be’s not really dirty — period.

Myth #2: We Are All Swingers

The first thing that normally comes to mind an individual finds out a couple of they are aware isn’t really monogamous is actually: swingers. While many folks favor that form of moral non-monogamy (statistics are hard to locate, but I do not truly know any swinger personals are), a lot of people locally have actually other frameworks that they prefer, particularly because a lot of people tend to be more limited in their
determination having sex away from psychological connection
.

Myth #3: We’re Doing It Because We Are Gay/Bi

According to plenty of people, non-monogamy will be the purview of the gays. Or perhaps, one or each of us need to be bi and “need” “both” men and women, correct? Not exactly. A lot of directly folk tend to be into moral non-monogamy (and a lot of gay folk tend to be into monogamy), and even for everyone of us who are queer? It isn’t typically

exactly why

we’re fairly non-monogamous. In addition, as a side note: there are many more than two men and women.

Myth number 4: We’re At An Increased Risk For Getting An STI/STD

The reason right here kind of follows
, we’ll confess that. Nevertheless the stats just don’t agree:
according to one present study
, people in monogamous commitment had been equally as more likely to get an STI as fairly non-mono folk. Which also can make plenty of sense, really: if you are concealing different fans despite becoming fundamentally monogamous, you are less inclined to utilize a condom away from anxiety about a condom or wrapper becoming found by your partner. If you ask me, mono people have a tendency to in addition explore safe intercourse and sexual history much less.
Fairly non-mono people
, in contrast, have actually considerable conversations about intimate record, current intimate partners and safety methods, and STI screening and condition — causing people to be able to generate well informed decisions in what dangers they take, which will keep the risk of STI indication less than you if not might expect.

Images: praetorianphoto/E+/Getty Pictures;


Giphy